On Saturday, I was starting to think that "the day" was coming! The day we had been praying for, for so long! That night, we were at a friend's house and I started to have some contractions. That night, I woke up about 4 times with them and thinking that Sunday, I could be giving birth! I woke up Sunday morning not feeling the greatest, but decided to go to church last minute. As the day progressed, I started to feel better and better. I kept thinking, WHAT? Then Monday, I woke up with no contractions.
To be honest, I was a little frustrated and had no problem letting God know that I was frustrated. In my heart I knew that God knew what He was doing, but in my mind, I thought "why wouldn't He want us to meet this baby girl?" I just kept coming back to Proverbs 16:9 which says "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." (ESV). God never once left us walking alone and why get frustrated in this situation? If I truly believed that He would establish our steps, then why am I not letting him? I guess our arms were just so ready to love on this little girl!
We actually did decide to keep something else SECRET, and that was the full details of my Friday appointment before her birth. My doctor said that if she did not come during the weekend, that I should come in on Tuesday for another appointment. There I would have a catheter put in to dilate my cervix, be sent home, and then go to the hospital at 5am on Wednesday morning to be induced. Even though we were praying she would come during the weekend, we at least knew that she would be born within the week! That gave us hope - not that we lost it of course, but we knew our dream of being earthly parents was so incredibly close to coming true!
Well, it was less than an hour later after that frustrating prayer Monday morning when my doctor's office called. The nurse said there was an opening Tuesday morning, and that my doctor wanted me to come in Monday afternoon instead, to get the catheter put in. I was elated! I right away called Dan and told him that TOMORROW (Tuesday), we were going to be parents!
I spent the day nesting, getting the last load of laundry done, cleaning out the leftovers in the refrigerator, getting my bag packed, and of course doing things that really didn't need to be done, but wanted to do, to pass time. Thankfully I had decided to be done with work because I knew I was getting close to having her and that this ole body wouldn't take another full day of work well. That afternoon, we headed to the doctor's office to see where I was at. I even wondered if it would be possible to be dilated enough to not need the catheter? When my doctor had first mentioned the catheter that Friday, you could tell it wasn't his favorite thing to do to a patient, so I had a little bit of apprehension about it. God had guided and established our steps in every other way, so I thought why not? Why not pray that I wouldn't need the catheter? Why not ask God to dilate me enough so that I could go home without it?
As my doctor explained the procedure to me Monday afternoon, it was actually less invasive than what I thought it was going to be, but nonetheless, still uncomfortable and not something to be desired. He checked me first to see how dilated I was and as I prayed, he said "I see no need for a catheter because you are dilated to a 3!" As I closed my eyes and did a little pump with my fist, I said a prayer of relief and thanksgiving to God. God, yet again, answered our prayers! I always told Dan that I would do whatever it would take to keep me and our child healthy, and if that meant a catheter, so be it. That afternoon, I sure left that office relieved and incredibly thankful that I did not have to spend my last night pregnant, with a mechanical device to dilate me!
I went to bed that night not necessarily anxious, but so incredibly ready to meet our baby girl! Scenarios played through my head as I pictured our family of 3 in the hospital room. As I dreamed of what it would be like to give birth to her. To see her face for the first time - a face filled with so much hope, promise, and grace. To hold and gently touch her body for the first time. To wipe away the tears of dreams coming true and prayers answered. My mind filled with so many thoughts!
As I woke up each time during the middle of the night, I found myself putting my hand on my stomach, taking in every last bit of her inside of me. As 3:50am rolled around, I quickly called the hospital (recommended by my doctor) to see if we could come in (since it wasn't an emergency, but an inducing) and of course they were short staffed and asked that I come in at 7am instead of 5am. The nurse said if I could, to go back to bed and get a few more hours of sleep.
Well, that brings me to this current moment - sleep is highly overrated when you know you are going to be giving birth to your child! I thought eh, I can try and fall back asleep...not a chance! Those dreams are just too real. Thoughts of our baby girl too precious to let go of to sleep.